About Fellas Night In
As it turns out, you can’t just slap a bandage over a gaping wound and expect healing to take place. Yet that’s how mental health, and especially men’s mental health, is often approached. But that’s like that having a blown transmission and taking your car to a mechanic for an oil change. Healing and real change requires facing our emotional inheritance head-on, challenging the harmful systems that shape our thoughts and behaviors, and naming and acknowledging our emotions rather than suppressing them.
Because the data about men’s mental health is staggering. Men commit approximately 90% of violent crime. 1 in 7 men have no close friends, a fivefold increase since 1990. A recent Gallup poll found that one-fourth of young men struggle with loneliness. And the suicide rate is 4x higher for men than women. Yet a PBS NewsHour report stated that just 21% of U.S. men say that they receive emotional support from friends every week, which is compared to 41% from women. Research shows that loneliness and social isolation increases the risk of death by 30%. Meanwhile, an 85-year Harvard study on happiness found that the single greatest predictor of happiness is positive relationships.
But the reality is that a lot of people talk about what’s wrong with men, what they aren’t getting right, and why men are such a problem, while not offering solutions and overlooking their part in it and the systems—like patriarchy—that are harmful to women and men alike. To quote bell hooks in The Will to Change, “Dismantling and changing patriarchal culture is work that men and women must do together.” Yet where are people gathering to admit their part in patriarchy, share their fears and insecurities, and talk about solutions and ways to grow and move forward together?
Fellas Night In exists to change this by creating a safe, non-judgemental space for men to gather together to break patterns, share what’s real, and build a healthier type of masculinity and being in relationship. It’s like poker night, except you keep your money, lay down the burdens you’ve been carrying, walk away with deeper connections, and don’t wake up with a hangover.
Fellas Night In is starting in Seattle with regular in-person gatherings, while there are plans to grow into an online community. Sign up for our newsletter to be the first to know about upcoming events and other opportunities.
Get to know Spencer
All aboard Fellas Night In. I’m Spencer, and I’ll be your host, facilitator, storyteller, and designated dad-joke pilot. Please store your emotional baggage wherever it fits, then do the moonwalk or running man to your seat. Buckle up!
I've spent most of my adult life as a travel writer, editor, and photographer, searching for through lines in the places I traveled to, the history and cultures I immersed myself in, and the people I encountered. The story that I most needed to explore—my own story—was the one I spent most of my life running from. The moment I began to unravel those threads of my own story and follow the through lines, my true journey began.
That inspired me to go back to school for a Master’s in Positive Psychology, while also pursuing education and training in Depth Psychology. I earned a Depth Psychology coaching certification from the Inner Compass Academy, founded by therapist and author Vanessa Bennett, and I’ll be receiving my Master’s this December from Arizona State University.
Ultimately, as I’ve been challenging systems, building deeper connections, and becoming a more authentic version of myself, I knew I wanted to create a space for other men to do the same—to break from the scripts, connect deeper, and step into more authentic versions of themselves. That space is Fellas Night In.
FAQs
Who can join?
This space is for anyone and everyone—college students wondering what kind of man they want to become, men who are knee-deep in the grind of work and family, mid-lifers who want to untangle old patterns, and recent retirees who are eager for community. Men, nonbinary individuals, and LGBTQ+ community, you are welcome here. I'm adamant about creating an inclusive, non-religious, judgement-free space where men and those who may identify as men can come together to share their struggles, learn from others, challenge systems like patriarchy, and step into a healthier version of masculinity.
What do Fellas Night In hangs look like?
They will ultimately vary based on what feels timely, the current moment in time, and what feels alive for the group. Some meet-ups may just be a moment to acknowledge the gravity of the current moment in time, others may be about new research involving men's health, and others may be a pre-planned topic like how patriarchy harms men, relationships, or how men can be allies for women and marginalized communities. I'll also bring in parts of my education and training, which is rooted in positive psychology, depth psychology, and mind-body practices like yoga and mindfulness.
Do I need to RSVP?
Generally yes, I like to get an idea of how many to expect before each meeting. Sign up to get notified of upcoming meetings, which will include a link to RSVP.
Is there a fee to join?
The meeting spaces we meet at often charge a nominal fee, which I cover, so that the events themselves can remain free.
Are there online events?
Eventually, as the community grows, I'd like to add online events. Sign up for the newsletter and/or follow me on social media to find out when those start.
D o you have any resources?
Yes! Head over to the resources page, where I share a number of different resources. I also encourage you to sign up for my newsletter, which often includes resources and tools for men.